Saturday, May 3, 2014

The Q-Man

I have a few scheduled posts to write - specifically one about mare appreciation, and one about our May goals - but right now, I'm remembering my Quincy. 10 years ago today, he left this planet in a horrible and gruesome way, but that's not how I like to remember him. I like to remember him as a small, black, fuzzy, funny, sweet, quirky guy who took good care of my angsty, angsty self. On my hardest and worst days, he made me laugh and smile. More than once, I went to the barn saying, "this is my last day, I'm ending it all, I'm just going to say goodbye to Quincy," and he would always know.... he would always do something exceptionally sweet or hilarious to make me laugh or smile. I would always go home thinking, "well, maybe I won't do it right now. Maybe I'll wait another day." Another day always led to yet another, and another, and here I still am.

There's no doubt about it, he is 100% the reason I am here today. He came into my life right before I crashed into my downward spiral, he kept me going through the worst of times, and when I was starting to recover and feel like I was finally back on my feet, he went away. I don't believe in faith, angels, heaven, or any of that kind of stuff, but if there ever was some sort of a spirit sent to guide someone through their hardest time, it was Quincy.

I miss him terribly.

I wrote a tribute to him on the 5-year anniversary of his death, which you should read (although I think I was a little upset, it reads like of like I was biting chunks out of my keyboard or something). I don't think I could re-write it better today.

I wrote about his death too. It is sad and a little bit grueseome.

You can also find the rest of the Quincy posts here.

Quincy, thank you for everything. Thank you for your years of love and friendship. Thank you for being a best friend to a girl who needed one so badly.

I don't think I'll ever be 'normal' or really even 'ok' sometimes - I'll always be fighting these demons, that is just the nature of the beast - but because of him, I'm still here. And sometimes I don't really want to be here, but the rest of the time, I am thankful. He got me through the worst of it, and I have been strong enough to get myself this far. Life is hard, and my brain isn't really well equipped to deal with the stress of it all, but the horses are always my fallback. They're always there for me at the end of the day. They are truly the glue that holds all the pieces of me together.


  1. Hello Andrea! What a touching post. I don't know if you've read Viktor Frank's "Man's Search for Meaning" but from what you write it seems that horses truly are your meaning. If you haven't read this book, I can't recommend it enough. It's a tiny book that could help you with your demons, I think. It's not a self-help book or something. Mr Frankl was a doctor that survived concentration camps, where he lost all his family, so I think he is in a good position to talk about the meaning of life (in contrast to numerous self-help books that I loathe so much!). On another note, I am very glad that you have decided to stick to eventing! I think your biggest eventing problem is not the horse (you are right - she just needs another approach) but the environment. It's incredibly difficult to pursue your dream and believe in yourself in a non-supporting environment (without trainers, other eventers, competitions). I am sure that you ARE en eventer and will figure out to prove it to everyone!

  2. I'm so sorry you had to watch a horse go that way, especially one as amazing as him. Like L said, big hugs.

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  4. He was a beautiful boy. He was lucky to have been loved and owned by you.

    I lost my big black horse almost 6 years ago. Part of me was grateful I was able to be there for him in his last moments, part of me wishes I didn't have that memory in my brain.

    Sending hugs.

    (sorry for the double post!)

  5. "They are truly the glue that holds all the pieces of me together."
    Amen. <3 Hugs

  6. Wow I can't believe it's been ten years. I still remember when you wrote the five year post. I'm glad he came into your life when he did. I don't know what we would do without our horses.